School refusal or school anxiety

What to do right now

Forcing through a genuine anxiety response tends to reinforce the avoidance over time. This morning, prioritise getting them calm over getting them to school on time. If they can get there, get them there. If they genuinely can't, keep the structure of the day as normal as possible at home. Contact the school before 9am.

What your brain just did

Your body

The morning refusal. The tears at drop-off. The stomach aches that are real but have no medical cause. School has become a source of dread.

Your brain

School demands sustained attention, social navigation, impulse suppression, and executive function for six hours. For an ADHD child, this is like running a marathon every day in a body built for sprints. The refusal isn't laziness. It's their nervous system anticipating a day of unsustainable demand.

What this did

Work with the school to identify and reduce the specific stressors. Mornings where the child has some agency over the routine produce less refusal. And name what's real: 'School is hard for your brain. That doesn't mean you can't do it. It means it costs you more.'

What your child is experiencing

Their body

The stomach ache is real. The anxiety is producing genuine physical symptoms. Their body is anticipating six hours of unsustainable cognitive demand and reacting to it with alarm.

Their brain

School demands sustained attention, impulse suppression, social navigation, and executive function for six consecutive hours. For an ADHD brain, this is a marathon run in a body built for sprints. The refusal is their nervous system anticipating exhaustion before it begins.

What they need

Take it seriously without reinforcing the avoidance. Identify the specific stressor: is it a teacher, a subject, a social situation, the transitions, the noise? Reducing one specific demand often makes the whole day manageable. They are not lazy. The cost of school is higher for them.