They were rough with the pet and did not mean to hurt it

What to do right now

They squeezed too hard. They pulled the tail. They threw the cat. The pet got hurt and your child looks confused because they did not mean to cause pain. Impulsive force calibration is an ADHD issue. They did not choose to be rough. The impulse to touch arrived before the assessment of how much force to use. Address the pet's safety first. Then teach the specific skill: 'gentle means this pressure' with a physical demonstration.

What your brain just did

Your body

Your nervous system is activated. Cortisol and adrenaline are influencing how you think and react right now. This is physiology, not a character flaw.

Your brain

The ADHD prefrontal cortex provides less reliable braking between feeling and action. The gap between trigger and response is neurologically shorter than in a neurotypical brain.

What this did

What happened makes sense when you understand how your brain is wired. The reaction isn't the problem to solve. The conditions that led to it are.

What your child is experiencing

Their body

The pet was hurt and they may not fully understand how. The force they applied felt normal to them even though it was too much.

Their brain

Proprioceptive calibration in ADHD can be unreliable. The amount of force that feels moderate to them may be excessive. The impulse to interact was not malicious. The moderation system did not calibrate accurately.

What they need

Physical teaching, not verbal instruction. Guide their hand. Show the pressure difference. 'This is too much. This is right.' Supervised practice until the calibration improves. They need the physical experience of 'gentle,' not the concept.