They will not wipe properly and I am trying not to shame them

What to do right now

Wiping requires motor sequencing, body awareness, and sensory tolerance that ADHD and sensory processing differences can impair. They are not being lazy. The task is genuinely harder for them than it looks. Teach the specific skill matter-of-factly. Wet wipes are easier than toilet paper. A bidet attachment removes the skill demand entirely. Solve the problem, do not add shame to it.

What your brain just did

Your body

Wiping requires motor planning, sensory tolerance, and body awareness that their development may not have caught up with yet.

Your brain

The task is a multi-step motor sequence requiring proprioceptive feedback that ADHD and sensory processing differences can impair. It is genuinely harder, not lazier.

What this did

Solve the mechanics. Wet wipes are easier than dry toilet paper. A bidet attachment removes the skill demand. Teach the specific physical technique rather than repeating the instruction.