They are old enough to do basic hygiene but still need me

What to do right now

You thought they would outgrow the reminding. They have not. The reminding is the scaffold their executive function needs. Removing it does not build independence. It creates failure. The question is not why they still need you. The question is how to gradually shift the prompting from your voice to their own systems. Visual checklists, phone alarms, a laminated card on the bathroom mirror. Move the cue from you to the environment.

What your brain just did

Your body

You expected the reminding to end by now. It has not. The scaffolding you provide is still the scaffolding they need.

Your brain

Executive function development in ADHD is delayed by approximately 30 percent. A twelve-year-old may have the executive function of an eight-year-old. The reminding is not enabling. It is matching support to developmental reality.

What this did

Shift the reminding from your voice to their environment. Visual checklists, phone alarms, a laminated routine card. The cue moves from internal (you remembering to remind) to external (the environment providing the prompt).