They want to be treated older but cannot manage basic things

What to do right now

They want the freedom of their age without the executive function to manage it. They want to walk to school alone but cannot remember to take their bag. They want a phone but cannot manage screen limits. The mismatch between chronological age and executive function age is one of the hardest parts of ADHD parenting. Scaffold the independence: 'You can walk to school when you can remember your bag three days in a row.' Build the skill, then extend the freedom.

What your brain just did

Your body

They want independence. They cannot manage the basics that independence requires.

Your brain

The mismatch between chronological age and executive function age is approximately 30 percent. A twelve-year-old may have the executive function of an eight-year-old. The desire for autonomy is age-appropriate. The capacity is not.

What this did

Scaffold the independence: build the skill, then extend the freedom. 'You can walk to school when you can remember your bag three days in a row.' The freedom follows the competence.