They destroyed something in anger and now everyone is in shock

What to do right now

Something is broken. A toy, a wall, a sibling's creation, your phone. The destruction was the impulse finding the nearest outlet. They may already be horrified at what they did. Secure safety first. Then silence. Do not itemise the damage. Do not calculate the cost out loud. The shame is already doing that inside them. The conversation about property comes later, when both nervous systems are back.

What your brain just did

Your body

The sound of something breaking activated your alarm system. The visual of the destruction is sitting in the room. Your body is processing shock, anger, and the cost simultaneously.

Your brain

Destructive impulses in ADHD are the nervous system seeking a high-intensity discharge for overwhelming emotion. The destruction was not planned. The impulse found the nearest breakable object faster than the consequence assessment could fire.

What this did

Secure safety. Then silence. They know what they did. The shame is already enormous. The property conversation happens tomorrow. Tonight: 'That was a big feeling. We will figure out the rest when we are both calm.'

What your child is experiencing

Their body

Something is broken and they may be in shock at what their body just did. The destruction happened faster than the thought 'I should not do this.'

Their brain

The impulse to discharge overwhelming emotion through physical action reached the motor system before the consequence assessment could fire. The destruction was not planned. It was the nervous system finding the fastest discharge route.

What they need

Do not itemise the damage. They can see it. The shame is already doing the accounting. 'That was a big feeling. Are you okay?' Then, later, when calm: discuss what happened and how to handle the big feeling differently next time.