They are spiralling about something unfair and cannot let it go

What to do right now

Something was unfair and they cannot let it go. The sibling got more. The rule changed. The teacher was wrong. ADHD justice sensitivity means the unfairness is producing a pain-level signal. Arguing that it was fair will not work. Validate first: 'I can see that feels really unfair.' Then, only if they are calm enough: 'What would make it feel okay?' The solution matters less than being heard.

What your brain just did

Your body

Their distress about the unfairness is genuine and intense. Your frustration at their inability to let it go is building because you can see it is consuming them disproportionately.

Your brain

ADHD justice sensitivity activates pain circuits when fairness is violated. The loop persists because the emotional resolution the brain is seeking cannot be achieved through logical argument. They are stuck because the feeling has not been processed, not because they do not understand the situation.

What this did

Validate the feeling before addressing the facts. The emotional processing has to happen before the cognitive processing can begin.

What your child is experiencing

Their body

The unfairness is consuming them. They cannot think about anything else. The feeling is stuck on repeat and no amount of reasoning is getting through.

Their brain

Justice sensitivity in ADHD produces a loop where the emotional response to unfairness persists long after the cognitive understanding of the situation has been achieved. They may know it is not a big deal. The feeling disagrees.

What they need

The feeling needs an exit, not an explanation. 'What would help this feel better?' gives them agency over the resolution. Sometimes the answer is surprisingly small. Sometimes they just need someone to agree that it was unfair, even if it was also reasonable.