Every consequence turns into an argument or explosion

What to do right now

You set a consequence and now the consequence itself has become the crisis. The original behaviour is forgotten. You are now managing a meltdown about the punishment, not about the thing that happened. This is the consequence trap. The consequence needs to be small enough that it does not generate a bigger problem than the one it was meant to address. Reduce the consequence. Address the original behaviour later when both of you are calm.

What your brain just did

Your body

The consequence triggered a bigger problem than the original behaviour. The meltdown about the punishment consumed the rest of the evening.

Your brain

ADHD emotional reactivity to consequences can be disproportionate because the loss or restriction activates the same neural circuits as a genuine threat. The child is not being dramatic. Their nervous system processed the consequence at a higher intensity than intended.

What this did

Scale consequences down. A consequence that generates a 45-minute meltdown is not teaching anything. It is consuming regulatory resources that both of you need for the rest of the day.