We fight about whether this is ADHD or bad behaviour
ADHD parenting moment
It is both, which is why the argument stays circular: the ADHD explains why the behaviour happens, and it still needs addressing because your child has to learn. The disagreement is really about method, not about whether the behaviour matters. Stop fighting over why and move to how. Find the shared ground out loud: 'We both want them to learn. Let us talk about how, not why.'
What to do right now
One of you says ADHD. The other says behaviour. The argument is circular because you are both partly right. ADHD explains why the behaviour happens. It does not excuse it. The child still needs to learn. The disagreement is about method, not about whether the behaviour matters. Find the shared ground: 'We both want them to learn. Let us talk about how, not why.'
What your brain just did
Your body
The same argument again. ADHD or behaviour. Nature or parenting. You are both exhausted by the loop.
Your brain
The answer is both, which satisfies neither of you. The ADHD explains why. The behaviour still needs addressing. The disagreement is about method, not about whether it matters.
What this did
Find the shared ground: 'We both want them to learn. Let us talk about how.'