We fight about whether this is ADHD or bad behaviour

What to do right now

One of you says ADHD. The other says behaviour. The argument is circular because you are both partly right. ADHD explains why the behaviour happens. It does not excuse it. The child still needs to learn. The disagreement is about method, not about whether the behaviour matters. Find the shared ground: 'We both want them to learn. Let us talk about how, not why.'

What your brain just did

Your body

The same argument again. ADHD or behaviour. Nature or parenting. You are both exhausted by the loop.

Your brain

The answer is both, which satisfies neither of you. The ADHD explains why. The behaviour still needs addressing. The disagreement is about method, not about whether it matters.

What this did

Find the shared ground: 'We both want them to learn. Let us talk about how.'