I bribed them just to get through the moment
ADHD parent behaviour
Reward-based management is actually an evidence-based ADHD strategy, so what you did works; the guilt comes from calling it bribery rather than an incentive. The only real difference is timing. Bribery responds to escalation, an incentive is planned in advance, but the mechanism is identical. You got through the moment without anyone getting hurt, which counts. Next time, set the reward first: get through this, then earn something good.
What to do right now
You promised the treat to make the meltdown stop. It worked. Now you feel like you taught them that escalation gets rewards. Maybe. But you also got through the moment without anyone getting hurt or humiliated. Survival tactics are valid. The long-term boundary work happens on days when you have capacity. Today was not that day.
What your brain just did
Your body
The bribe worked and now you feel guilty about it. Short-term survival versus long-term principle. The tension is real.
Your brain
Reward-based management is actually an evidence-based ADHD strategy. The guilt comes from framing it as bribery rather than as incentive. The difference is timing: bribery responds to escalation, incentive is planned in advance. Both are the same mechanism. One just feels worse.
What this did
You survived the moment without anyone getting hurt. Next time, if you have capacity, set the incentive before the meltdown: 'If we get through this, we can have X.' Same outcome, less guilt.