My other child is getting the leftovers of me

What to do right now

Your other child is watching. They are learning that the child who is loudest gets the most attention. They are being patient, or invisible, or resentful, or all three. They need to hear from you that you see them. Not a big speech. A specific sentence: 'I noticed you waited while I dealt with that. That was really mature and I appreciate it.' Then follow it with five minutes of undivided attention. They are counting.

What your brain just did

Your body

Your other child is being patient, invisible, or both. They are watching the attention flow toward the loudest need.

Your brain

The neurotypical or less-impacted sibling learns that intensity determines attention allocation. They may suppress their own needs to avoid adding to the load. This is its own form of harm.

What this did

Name what you see: 'I noticed you waited. That was mature. I appreciate it.' Then follow it with undivided attention. Even five minutes. They are counting.