My partner blames me for our child's behaviour

What to do right now

Your partner said it is your fault, or implied it, or you heard it underneath the words. The blame landed on your rejection sensitivity and it is burning. Parenting is not causing the ADHD. Nothing you did or did not do created this. If your partner genuinely believes the behaviour is your fault, that is a relationship issue, not a parenting one. Couples therapy with someone who understands ADHD is not dramatic. It is practical.

What your brain just did

Your body

The blame landed. Whether it was spoken or implied, you heard: this is your fault.

Your brain

ADHD rejection sensitivity processes blame at pain intensity. The accusation activated shame circuits alongside defensive anger.

What this did

Nothing you did caused the ADHD. If the blame is a pattern, couples therapy with an ADHD-informed therapist is practical, not dramatic.