We cannot talk about parenting without both getting defensive

What to do right now

Every conversation about the kids becomes a fight. You are both defensive because you are both exhausted and you both feel criticised. The topic is too hot to discuss when you are both depleted. Schedule it. Literally. 'Saturday morning, coffee, fifteen minutes, one topic.' Remove the spontaneous ambush conversations that happen at 10pm when neither of you has anything left.

What your brain just did

Your body

Every parenting conversation becomes a fight. You are both defensive before the topic is even raised.

Your brain

Sustained parenting stress makes both partners hypervigilant to criticism. Each conversation begins with both nervous systems in defensive mode.

What this did

Schedule the conversation. Saturday morning, coffee, one topic, fifteen minutes. Remove the ambush conversations that happen at 10pm when neither of you has anything left.