When to get more help
support
The pattern keeps happening. The cards help in the moment but the moments keep coming. You are wondering if you need more than self-help. You might be right.
What is happening in your brain
Self-awareness and self-management have limits. If the same pattern plays out weekly despite your best efforts, the issue may be structural: unoptimised medication, unaddressed co-occurring conditions, or a family dynamic that needs professional intervention.
Seeking help is not failure. It is the executive function decision to outsource a problem to someone with better tools. This is the most ADHD-appropriate response possible.
What is happening in your child's brain
Your child may also need more support than you can provide at home. If their behaviour is escalating, if school is consistently difficult, if friendships are not forming, or if they are expressing self-harm or despair, professional assessment is warranted.
The dual-ADHD dynamic
In dual-ADHD families, the threshold for seeking help should be lower, not higher. Two impaired regulatory systems managing each other is harder than one. Professional support is not a luxury. It is a structural need.
What actually works
- Signs you need help for yourself: daily loss of control, increasing intensity, avoidance of your child, persistent shame spiral, partner relationship deteriorating, physical symptoms of burnout.
- Signs your child needs help: school refusal, self-harm talk, persistent friendlessness, escalating aggression, significant anxiety, regression in previously acquired skills.
- Start with your GP. They can refer to ADHD-aware psychiatrists, psychologists, and family therapists.
- ADHD coaching is for practical scaffolding: systems, routines, accountability. Therapy is for emotional processing: shame, grief, relationship repair. Both are valuable. They do different things.
- Medication review: if current medication is not covering the parenting hours, if side effects are problematic, or if you are unmedicated and struggling, talk to the prescriber.
Scripts
Deciding to seek help
"This is not something I can manage alone anymore. I am going to ask for support."
Calling the GP
"I am an ADHD parent with an ADHD child and we are struggling. I need a referral to someone who understands both."
To your child
"We are going to get some extra help to make things easier for both of us. That is a strong thing to do, not a weak one."
What your partner needs to know
If you are the partner: when the ADHD parent says they need help, believe them. Do not suggest they try harder. Do not delay. Help them make the appointment. The ask for help is itself an executive function achievement.
When to get more help
This entire guide IS the 'more help' guide. The next step is making the call. Your GP, a helpline, a therapist directory. One call. Today if possible. This week if not.